woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
