sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
