dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
