I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
