she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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