What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
