I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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