my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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