my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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