How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
