**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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