Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
