Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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