I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize