____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
