I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
