I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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