I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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