I don't remember. Are we still dating?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
