this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
