The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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