Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
