Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i came on her dog
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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