You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
