That's intense
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
