i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
