someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
