john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
