i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
