I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
