you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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