Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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