Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
