I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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