I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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