Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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