PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
