why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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