somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
