Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize