Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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