I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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