I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
