Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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