Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
