guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize