You made me cry and you don't even care
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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