a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
