My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
