finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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