I'm so fucking centered right now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
