I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
