I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
