I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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