We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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