Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
