My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My bed smells like the plague
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
