i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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