We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
