Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well, you know. whores of a feather.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
