I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
