You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
