my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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