i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
