The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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