Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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