just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
