if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize