How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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